Looking for the "Silver Lining"

Do you ever feel like what you do just isn't enough? Or look at your life and despite your accomplishments you feel so unaccomplished because you are no where near where you thought you'd be at this time in your life and/or accomplished very little of what you had planned? Then feel like your letting everyone down because you haven't lived up to theirs and/or your expectations (whether perceived or actual)? Do you ever feel like every time you think your doing what you need to do what you feel is right everything just blows up in your face? Or you feel like you just can't do enough? How do you climb out of that? How do you say no when you want to say yes but the consequences of either one SUCK! What do you do when you feel like your whole world is turned upside down and still swirling out of control. How do you start when your dizzy and sick from the chaos?
I know there is a silver lining and I'm grateful for this gospel because without it I think I would have given up a long time ago. But luckily I keep holding onto a glimmer of hope that things just have to get better. Although sometimes that glimmer is barely visible. I know its there and I know the Lord is there.

Choices

With every day brings new challenges, new blessings, and new experiences. With everything new that comes our way also comes a new choice. A choice of reaction. We may not be able to choose or control those things placed upon us, but, we can choose to rise to the occasion or sink and fall but regaurdless it is ultimately our choice. I've learned the hard way that life is not easy but if it was we would never learn. Right now I am learning a lot and now I just have to learn how to apply my new found knowledge. Sometimes in order for change to occur we must sacrifice. Most times those sacrifices are luxeries and things of the world that Satan has worked very hard to make so desirable that it confuses our idea of wants and needs. Luckily we have a Father in Heaven, and a brother that gave His life for us, and the Holy Ghost who are all on our side just waiting for us to turn to them and ask for help. Most times its hard at first but often times the help we need comes in the most unlikely or simple of ways but it is there if we but turn and open our eyes. Most importantly though, we never give up! The Lord wont give up on us, why should we give up on Him. We may not always choose the trials that we face but the Lord will help to sustain us and strengthen us in order to make it through the trials we face. Granted the outcome of certain trials may not be what we want or think we need at the time because our view is sometimes so small, but, the Lord never stops seeing the Eternal Perspective. We just have to practice faith. We can do it.

"...You never know what your gonna get..."

So that conversation I had with Cera.....I told her that I wanted to go back to school for Physical Education with an emphasis in coaching and possibly either a double major or minor Excercise Kinesiology. Well that's when it all came up!! She is working for a charter school and her school is looking for specialty teachers...no experience needed and they will actually pay for education!!! Plus side...doing what I want to do for my career, living in AZ, job close to where I would be living, going back to school finally...and getting it paid for it!, making more than I am right now and getting real vacation, being back near my best friends (and living with them for a bit). Down side, leaving my family and friends, and a pretty good and stable job, packing, and unpacking, and essentially starting over once again. What will happen I don't know yet. I intend on doing a lot of heavy praying and pondering before making this decision because it is a BIG one. Who knows, maybe I won't get the job and the decision will be made for me. Then again maybe I will get a job offer and therefore will have a BIG decision to make. Who knows, we will see. As of yet I'm not telling a lot of people because I really don't know what is going to happen. In fact very few people know. I will keep you posted as things unfold.

"Life is like a box of chocolates..."

This last weekend I had the opportunity to go visit Mesa, AZ. As usual the trip was too short and I am left missing Mesa. I had a lot of fun though! Mom, Thomas, and I left Friday afternoon and got in about 9:30pm. We met Beckie and Brian and their softball game. Don Greenley came and met up with us and we all went out to Denny's for dessert. Thomas's Grandma Chicken financed the gas to get down there so that she could see him. It was all a suprise to Thomas. It was so funny to watch his face as he turns and glances at this woman kind of invading his space to sit down at the booth behind him...he turns back and looks at us and a split second later recognition hits...he swirled back around completely shocked at who was actually standing behind him. The whole thing was priceless...I really wish we had had a video camera to really catch the essense of the moment! Saturday we woke up and Mom, Beckie, Don, and I went to lunch at Olive Garden. It was nice and fun and Don picked up the bill and in an effort to keep mom from taking the check and trying to pay he stuffed it in his mouth and then pretended to drink water out of an empty wine glass that when he set it down broke in half...it was all rather entertaining. Beckie then went to her vb tournament she was coaching at and Mom and I went to see Don's new house, its very nice...or will when he's finished remodeling it. We then went over to Jill Carol's bridal shower. I can't believe I used to babysit her for her Grandparents back in Forks!! Now here she is all grown up and getting married. I'm so excited for her! After the Bridal Shower I left mom to stay with the Groscosts and went off to meet up with Cera. In talking and catching up I learned of a grand opportunity that I'm working on checking into. After visiting with her for a bit I went to meet up with Brian at a birthday party for his sister. We then went to his brother's ward talent show where the Phoenix Suns Dunk Team performed!! It was amazing and we were so close it was nuts!!!! (Coby and Trent...Brian's brothers....are on the dunk team) It was amazing to watch!!!!! Beckie finally met up with us there and then we went back to the party to play games, then to Brian and Beckie's where we watched Step Up 2 and went to bed. Sunday I learned all about Wii Fit! It was soooo much fun! We played until it was time to get ready for church. After Sacrament Beckie and I left, I packed up my stuff and then we met Don at OREGANO'S!! One of my favorite restaraunts down in AZ! I of course had their turkey stuffed and we ended our meal with a Pzookie (half baked cookie with ice-cream on top...we always get 1/2 white chocolate macadamia nut and 1/2 chocolate chip. Then I said goodbye and went to pick up mom and Thomas. We ended up talking at the Groscosts for a bit before leaving, then we stopped off at Don's so mom and Thomas could say goodbye, and FINALLY at 9:59pm were on the road home again....arriving at our house at about 3am!! I had so much fun and miss Arizona so much! I can't wait to go back to visit again.

WEDDING RENEWALS!

Oh so I almost forgot. Friday my parents' love story was chosen (among who knows how many) along with like 50 other couples (or less I'm not really sure) by KKLZ to renew their wedding vows and be entered into a grand prize drawing for a 3 night stay in a giant suite at the JW Marriott and new wedding bands, and a bunch of other fancy free stuff. So I went with my parents down for the champiegne brunch and ceremony. It was so cute. Mom wore Lori's wedding dress and looked absolutely amazing!! It was fun...except for the part where we had to be there at 6am and I didn't get home and into bed before 2am (cause I went out dancing with the girls at Stoney's). It was a lot of fun and rather romantic. Sadly they didn't win the grand prize but I still enjoyed myself. It was my parents 4 time. The first was when they were married in 1972 by a Mormon Bishop, then 10 years later in 1982 (Mom was pregnant with me) on board the USS Carl Vincent (first couple ever married on that ship) by a Catholic Priest, and then (3rd times a charm...and the only one that really matters) in 1994 in the Seattle Temple for Time and All Eternity, and now (mostly for the free stuff) by some....I don't know evangelist I guess. We were joking with another couple at the table about how next time they needed to be married by a Jewish Rabi. So now my parents have been married 4 times and divorced 0!!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Wow!! Can I just say that I am so excited! For the first time in years I have not gone in depressed and lonely mode on Valentines Day! It was great! It was just another day of the year for me. I worked till about 5:30pm, came home, went out to dinner with my parents and nephew to Chinese, came home, then went out to a party at Heidi's house. Sure do I wish I had someone special to celebrate with...yes of course...but I don't. Oh well. I think I'm still reeling off of reading the book...He's Just Not That Into You. Its a great book! Sure there were times that I felt about as big as ant and dumber than your stereotypical dumb blonde for falling for many of the behaviors exhibited in the book. But I also feel a little empowered. I am 26 and a dang good catch if I do say so myself...reaffirmed by many other girls. I am working hard to better myself and do the things the Lord would have me do. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and as such am royalty! Therefore I deserve to be treated as such! I deserve a guy that is into me and wants me to know that...not some smuck that is going to keep me guessing or treats me like trash and something just to be discarded or picked up on a wimb and when he's in the mood. I am 26 and its time for me to grow up and take responsibility for my stupidity and quit making excuses for boys just to make myself feel better. Its been rather clarifying and a little exhilarating. It's also been a little frustrating because I hadn't realized just how many excuses girls make until I read the book and then I look at the lives of myself and my friends and how many times to girls lie to each other to keep the other from feeling bad. I'm doing my darndest to try and keep it real. Look at what the facts actually are and judge from that instead of what we want the facts to be. Long story short...I've become more content with being single. I still would like to become a non single someday but until then I'm going to work on staying content and not depressed and woe es me.

Thank you Heavenly Father!!!

Ok I'll be the first to admit, I have a bit of a led foot. But I really do try to keep the speeding to a minimum. Tonight I lost concentration and it caught up to me. So I was driving to Amber and Nicole's house for birthday cake to celebrate Amber's B-day. I'm kinda in a hurry cause I was talking after the fireside and left about 5 minutes after everyone else. Well to kill to birds with one stone I called Hailey back in an attempt to end our game of phone tag. Normally this is not a problem. Well tonight at some point I went into auto pilot. My body was doing the driving...feeding off my emotions of I'm in a hurry. It knew where I was going, I was aware of my immediate surroundings...the cars on either side of me, the narrowness of the road, et cetera. All of a sudden I look down as I'm excellerating and I'm already going 55mph. I let off the gas and about that time came the flashing lights in my rear view mirror and the siren. I was toast. There was nothing I could do...I had no excuse....what made it worse is I really had no idea whether the speed limit was 35 or 45mph and I was in a construction zone (found out it was the of course the 35mph right there). Then to make matters worse I went to get out my license out of my purse and it wasn't there...I realized it was probably in pants still from dancing at Stoney's last night...by this point I realized I was screwed and all I could do was pray. Not only did I not have my license but I still haven't taken the time to update my address since I moved a year ago and had to give that information. When asked about my last ticket...luckily 4-5 years ago...I had to tell her it was for speeding too. Long story short. I prayed the whole time she was gone and when she came back my prayers were answered. She told me there were a number of things she could site me for....no lisence, no updated address on my lisence, speeding, & speeding in a construction zone. She then handed me my registration and insurance card and told me to pay attention, slow down, and get to get my things in order. I said thank you to her and then over and over to my Heavenly Father...why she didn't haul me off to jail or give me a big fatty fine, only He knows. Whatever the reason though...I am extremely grateful.

Bitter Sweet Changes

2 years ago on Christmas Eve I moved to Las Vegas. 3 weeks later I started attending the North Star Singles Ward. 3-4 weeks after that I was called to the Special Events Activities Commitee. 8 months ago I was called as the Special Events Commitee Chair. Next week I am being released...I figure I can blog this cause hardly anyone knows about my blog and those that do aren't even a part of my ward anymore. I had just had a planning meeting and planned both sports and ward activities for the next 5 months and was totally excited about all of the activites. Then came Bro. Brimhall to let me know I was being released. He asked me how I felt and quite frankly at the time I had no words because I didn't know how I felt. I have been in that calling practically since I moved into the ward. As the day went on it started sinking in. This weekend is my final activity in North Star...that I'm in charge of and or majorly involved with. I'm sad because although this calling can be EXTREMELY stressfull at times, I enjoy it. Its fun for me...I mean yes I wish at times I could relax and enjoy the activities more but I have enjoyed putting things together and watching people have fun. Now I'm done and its kind of sad. On the other hand I'm relieved for all the reasons I'm sad. Now I can go and just enjoy the activities instead of worrying if everyone is having fun, is everything running smoothly, et cetera. I don't have the stress of making sure everything doesn't fall apart thus letting down 50-100 plus people. It will definitely be less stress!...for now...I was told I'm being given a break but I am still needed in the ward and something else is coming soon...not knowing what exactly that entails is a little scary I'm not going to lie. All in all I just have some major mixed emotions...its definitely bitter sweet.

Fun times in UT

So I had the chance to go up to UT this last weekend! I had a great time! We went up to throw a baby shower for my new little nephew! It was safari themed and we had fun decorating. I made a safari themed diaper cake...my first and it came out quite cute, I was very impressed with myself! Mom and Lori made monkey and frog cupcakes and zebra and lion sugar cookies (I helped with the frogs). Mom also made homemade clam chowder...MMMMMM!!!...and we ate them with bread bowls. My new little nephew is so adorable! He is truely a blessing and gift from our Father in Heaven.
Not only did I get to see my Brother, sister-n-law, and my new nephew, and other family members, but I also got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a LONG time! My long time friend from middle school Melody and I had lost touch over the years and got to see each other for the first time in 11 years! I saw Nancy (4 years), Gus and Eva (2-4 years), Amy (2 years), Holly (6 months), Mike (4 months), and Kyle (3 months). It was awesome, it was like a mini reunion with friends from all walks of my life! Sadly there are many more up there that I wasn't able to see...hopefully next time. It was great to see everyone and do a little catching up.
It was exactly the get away I needed to refresh...not really relax, there wasn't much time for that....and it was just mentally rejouvinating!

In a funk...

Do you ever have those down moments where you wish you were anywhere but where you are and yet you can't really decide on where that would be. I mean there are a million places I'd rather be and a million things I'd rather be doing but I'm stuck...in life, relationships (self, friends, family, work, et cetera), work, school, church, et cetera. Sometimes I feel that just as I finally take one step forward I'm pushed back two. It's almost like a bad rollercoaster ride at a theme park that never ends but every once in a while it gives you the false hope of an end and just around the next corner all you find there is another hill to climb and drop, to what seems your death, or a loop de loop to follow and try not to fall off. Well I'm there and what's worse is I feel like crying, I just don't know for sure what I'm crying about or how I got to this point. Now I'm just holding on to the hope that it will get better. There is a reason we go through everything we go through...though sometimes its hard to imagine how the things we are going through or the things we are feeling can possibly be necessary or beneficial. I just pray that this funk goes away soon and that I can figure out how to get out of it.

Merry Christmas...try CRAZY Christmas

Talk about a crazy Christmas! It all started the night before Christmas Eve as we got ready to go to Utah for Christmas and to see the newest addition to our family! Ron and Jessica adopted a beautiful baby boy!! Zachary Jesse West is the greatest gift our family could have received this Christmas! So we were getting ready. Mom took the Ex to have the tires rotated and they were all 4 dryrotted on the side walls to the point that we were lucky we hadn't had a problem. (Welcome to the heat of the desert!) Then Christmas Eve morning My brother-n-law Josh and a family friend Frank were supposed to rough up the brakes so they wouldn't squeal (since they didn't seal right when we had them put on a year and a half ago). They took them off only to find they were shot and so were the disks (talk about a bit of a delay), once again lucky for no problems. Finally they tracked down all the parts and replaced the brakes. So finally we the Ex was travel worthy. So since we didn't have room for all the presents, luggage, 5 adults, and 2 children in the car we did something my family has never done before....we opened presents on Christmas Eve!! It was Mom, Dad, Lori, Josh, Thomas, Maddison, and I. It was fun watching the kids...Maddy is almost old enough to really understand and fully grasp the excitement, Thomas is just a riot as usual! Anywhoie, on with the Saga. So once we were done we packed up, stopped and grabbed a bite for the road and headed to UT at about 8pm Christmas Eve. 10 HRS later @ 6am (our time 7 UT), snow and ice up the wazoo we finally made it to Midway, UT where we were staying in Lori & Josh's timeshare! It was a beautiful winter wonderland! We unpacked and went to bed before the sun rose and it was too late for Santa to come! 3 hours later we were up and getting ready to spend Christmas Day with Ron, Jessica, and Zachary. Well due to road conditions it took about 2 & a half-3 hours to make an hour & a half drive. Then it was time to make Christmas dinner and ooh and ahh over Zachary! It was fun until we had to drive home, I don't think it really stopped snowing the entire time we were there! 2 hours later we were back to the time share. Then on Friday we got up and headed back to Ron and Jessica's. We got there, ate lunch, and Dad had not been feeling so great and was just having horrible pain in his sholder. So I volunteered to take him to a quick care and since he'd probably be there a while I could run make some returns and be back before he was done. Not so much. I got an urgent call from Mom telling me to come back right away and pick them up. They were rushing Dad to a hospital by ambulance. He had a weird arythmia in both chambers of his heart but by the time he got the hospital it had corrected itself. A Priesthood Blessing, 2 Chest x-rays and ct scan of his chest, multiple ekgs and blood tests, & 2 & a half days later the doctors decided he had pnemonia and the arythmia was a 3rd part block which had actually been caused by some of his new blood pressure medication. Unfortuneately by this time it was already Sunday and Mom and Dad had decided that regardless of wether they actually let him or not (pending the results of some more tests) out the rest of us needed to go home and go back to work. The drive home was so much quicker! Only about6 hours which is closer to normal. So Dad after the doctors confidently told him he was fine...heart wise...he caught a flight home that night and Mom stayed behind to help Ron and Jess with Zachary, as originally planned. Dad's doing a lot better now and his recovery seems to be going farely quickly which is a good thing. So that was my CRAZY Christmas! A Christmas to remember. Full of trials monetarily, physically, mentally, and spiritually. But along with those trials came countless blessings and opportunities to grow.