Looking for the "Silver Lining"

Do you ever feel like what you do just isn't enough? Or look at your life and despite your accomplishments you feel so unaccomplished because you are no where near where you thought you'd be at this time in your life and/or accomplished very little of what you had planned? Then feel like your letting everyone down because you haven't lived up to theirs and/or your expectations (whether perceived or actual)? Do you ever feel like every time you think your doing what you need to do what you feel is right everything just blows up in your face? Or you feel like you just can't do enough? How do you climb out of that? How do you say no when you want to say yes but the consequences of either one SUCK! What do you do when you feel like your whole world is turned upside down and still swirling out of control. How do you start when your dizzy and sick from the chaos?
I know there is a silver lining and I'm grateful for this gospel because without it I think I would have given up a long time ago. But luckily I keep holding onto a glimmer of hope that things just have to get better. Although sometimes that glimmer is barely visible. I know its there and I know the Lord is there.

Choices

With every day brings new challenges, new blessings, and new experiences. With everything new that comes our way also comes a new choice. A choice of reaction. We may not be able to choose or control those things placed upon us, but, we can choose to rise to the occasion or sink and fall but regaurdless it is ultimately our choice. I've learned the hard way that life is not easy but if it was we would never learn. Right now I am learning a lot and now I just have to learn how to apply my new found knowledge. Sometimes in order for change to occur we must sacrifice. Most times those sacrifices are luxeries and things of the world that Satan has worked very hard to make so desirable that it confuses our idea of wants and needs. Luckily we have a Father in Heaven, and a brother that gave His life for us, and the Holy Ghost who are all on our side just waiting for us to turn to them and ask for help. Most times its hard at first but often times the help we need comes in the most unlikely or simple of ways but it is there if we but turn and open our eyes. Most importantly though, we never give up! The Lord wont give up on us, why should we give up on Him. We may not always choose the trials that we face but the Lord will help to sustain us and strengthen us in order to make it through the trials we face. Granted the outcome of certain trials may not be what we want or think we need at the time because our view is sometimes so small, but, the Lord never stops seeing the Eternal Perspective. We just have to practice faith. We can do it.

"...You never know what your gonna get..."

So that conversation I had with Cera.....I told her that I wanted to go back to school for Physical Education with an emphasis in coaching and possibly either a double major or minor Excercise Kinesiology. Well that's when it all came up!! She is working for a charter school and her school is looking for specialty teachers...no experience needed and they will actually pay for education!!! Plus side...doing what I want to do for my career, living in AZ, job close to where I would be living, going back to school finally...and getting it paid for it!, making more than I am right now and getting real vacation, being back near my best friends (and living with them for a bit). Down side, leaving my family and friends, and a pretty good and stable job, packing, and unpacking, and essentially starting over once again. What will happen I don't know yet. I intend on doing a lot of heavy praying and pondering before making this decision because it is a BIG one. Who knows, maybe I won't get the job and the decision will be made for me. Then again maybe I will get a job offer and therefore will have a BIG decision to make. Who knows, we will see. As of yet I'm not telling a lot of people because I really don't know what is going to happen. In fact very few people know. I will keep you posted as things unfold.

"Life is like a box of chocolates..."

This last weekend I had the opportunity to go visit Mesa, AZ. As usual the trip was too short and I am left missing Mesa. I had a lot of fun though! Mom, Thomas, and I left Friday afternoon and got in about 9:30pm. We met Beckie and Brian and their softball game. Don Greenley came and met up with us and we all went out to Denny's for dessert. Thomas's Grandma Chicken financed the gas to get down there so that she could see him. It was all a suprise to Thomas. It was so funny to watch his face as he turns and glances at this woman kind of invading his space to sit down at the booth behind him...he turns back and looks at us and a split second later recognition hits...he swirled back around completely shocked at who was actually standing behind him. The whole thing was priceless...I really wish we had had a video camera to really catch the essense of the moment! Saturday we woke up and Mom, Beckie, Don, and I went to lunch at Olive Garden. It was nice and fun and Don picked up the bill and in an effort to keep mom from taking the check and trying to pay he stuffed it in his mouth and then pretended to drink water out of an empty wine glass that when he set it down broke in half...it was all rather entertaining. Beckie then went to her vb tournament she was coaching at and Mom and I went to see Don's new house, its very nice...or will when he's finished remodeling it. We then went over to Jill Carol's bridal shower. I can't believe I used to babysit her for her Grandparents back in Forks!! Now here she is all grown up and getting married. I'm so excited for her! After the Bridal Shower I left mom to stay with the Groscosts and went off to meet up with Cera. In talking and catching up I learned of a grand opportunity that I'm working on checking into. After visiting with her for a bit I went to meet up with Brian at a birthday party for his sister. We then went to his brother's ward talent show where the Phoenix Suns Dunk Team performed!! It was amazing and we were so close it was nuts!!!! (Coby and Trent...Brian's brothers....are on the dunk team) It was amazing to watch!!!!! Beckie finally met up with us there and then we went back to the party to play games, then to Brian and Beckie's where we watched Step Up 2 and went to bed. Sunday I learned all about Wii Fit! It was soooo much fun! We played until it was time to get ready for church. After Sacrament Beckie and I left, I packed up my stuff and then we met Don at OREGANO'S!! One of my favorite restaraunts down in AZ! I of course had their turkey stuffed and we ended our meal with a Pzookie (half baked cookie with ice-cream on top...we always get 1/2 white chocolate macadamia nut and 1/2 chocolate chip. Then I said goodbye and went to pick up mom and Thomas. We ended up talking at the Groscosts for a bit before leaving, then we stopped off at Don's so mom and Thomas could say goodbye, and FINALLY at 9:59pm were on the road home again....arriving at our house at about 3am!! I had so much fun and miss Arizona so much! I can't wait to go back to visit again.

WEDDING RENEWALS!

Oh so I almost forgot. Friday my parents' love story was chosen (among who knows how many) along with like 50 other couples (or less I'm not really sure) by KKLZ to renew their wedding vows and be entered into a grand prize drawing for a 3 night stay in a giant suite at the JW Marriott and new wedding bands, and a bunch of other fancy free stuff. So I went with my parents down for the champiegne brunch and ceremony. It was so cute. Mom wore Lori's wedding dress and looked absolutely amazing!! It was fun...except for the part where we had to be there at 6am and I didn't get home and into bed before 2am (cause I went out dancing with the girls at Stoney's). It was a lot of fun and rather romantic. Sadly they didn't win the grand prize but I still enjoyed myself. It was my parents 4 time. The first was when they were married in 1972 by a Mormon Bishop, then 10 years later in 1982 (Mom was pregnant with me) on board the USS Carl Vincent (first couple ever married on that ship) by a Catholic Priest, and then (3rd times a charm...and the only one that really matters) in 1994 in the Seattle Temple for Time and All Eternity, and now (mostly for the free stuff) by some....I don't know evangelist I guess. We were joking with another couple at the table about how next time they needed to be married by a Jewish Rabi. So now my parents have been married 4 times and divorced 0!!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Wow!! Can I just say that I am so excited! For the first time in years I have not gone in depressed and lonely mode on Valentines Day! It was great! It was just another day of the year for me. I worked till about 5:30pm, came home, went out to dinner with my parents and nephew to Chinese, came home, then went out to a party at Heidi's house. Sure do I wish I had someone special to celebrate with...yes of course...but I don't. Oh well. I think I'm still reeling off of reading the book...He's Just Not That Into You. Its a great book! Sure there were times that I felt about as big as ant and dumber than your stereotypical dumb blonde for falling for many of the behaviors exhibited in the book. But I also feel a little empowered. I am 26 and a dang good catch if I do say so myself...reaffirmed by many other girls. I am working hard to better myself and do the things the Lord would have me do. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and as such am royalty! Therefore I deserve to be treated as such! I deserve a guy that is into me and wants me to know that...not some smuck that is going to keep me guessing or treats me like trash and something just to be discarded or picked up on a wimb and when he's in the mood. I am 26 and its time for me to grow up and take responsibility for my stupidity and quit making excuses for boys just to make myself feel better. Its been rather clarifying and a little exhilarating. It's also been a little frustrating because I hadn't realized just how many excuses girls make until I read the book and then I look at the lives of myself and my friends and how many times to girls lie to each other to keep the other from feeling bad. I'm doing my darndest to try and keep it real. Look at what the facts actually are and judge from that instead of what we want the facts to be. Long story short...I've become more content with being single. I still would like to become a non single someday but until then I'm going to work on staying content and not depressed and woe es me.

Thank you Heavenly Father!!!

Ok I'll be the first to admit, I have a bit of a led foot. But I really do try to keep the speeding to a minimum. Tonight I lost concentration and it caught up to me. So I was driving to Amber and Nicole's house for birthday cake to celebrate Amber's B-day. I'm kinda in a hurry cause I was talking after the fireside and left about 5 minutes after everyone else. Well to kill to birds with one stone I called Hailey back in an attempt to end our game of phone tag. Normally this is not a problem. Well tonight at some point I went into auto pilot. My body was doing the driving...feeding off my emotions of I'm in a hurry. It knew where I was going, I was aware of my immediate surroundings...the cars on either side of me, the narrowness of the road, et cetera. All of a sudden I look down as I'm excellerating and I'm already going 55mph. I let off the gas and about that time came the flashing lights in my rear view mirror and the siren. I was toast. There was nothing I could do...I had no excuse....what made it worse is I really had no idea whether the speed limit was 35 or 45mph and I was in a construction zone (found out it was the of course the 35mph right there). Then to make matters worse I went to get out my license out of my purse and it wasn't there...I realized it was probably in pants still from dancing at Stoney's last night...by this point I realized I was screwed and all I could do was pray. Not only did I not have my license but I still haven't taken the time to update my address since I moved a year ago and had to give that information. When asked about my last ticket...luckily 4-5 years ago...I had to tell her it was for speeding too. Long story short. I prayed the whole time she was gone and when she came back my prayers were answered. She told me there were a number of things she could site me for....no lisence, no updated address on my lisence, speeding, & speeding in a construction zone. She then handed me my registration and insurance card and told me to pay attention, slow down, and get to get my things in order. I said thank you to her and then over and over to my Heavenly Father...why she didn't haul me off to jail or give me a big fatty fine, only He knows. Whatever the reason though...I am extremely grateful.